Friday, November 24, 2017
OOPS
no idea how I did it but I just deleted this whole posting and now don't know how to delete my mistake
HOW OUR BRAIN WORKS
I heard a great analogy...
When we're born our brain is like a hill and experience is like snow on that hill........... as we learn how to deal with conflict and successes, we go up and down the hill learning how to cope,,
at first, as children, we run all over the hill,,,, with more experience, we make sled pathways down the hill (wheeee),, ,,,, and walking pathways back up,, so our hill ends up covered in snow with only two or three pathways for dealing with that snow.....
Abuse is like a blizzard on the hill so if we don't have the coping skills or many different options as pathways,, we either end up just not moving anymore or we stick to the patterns and pathways instead of taking risks to find new and better routes... and that is not minimizing the grief, it's explaining how we can end up looping in grief..
I know that even if I sound paranoid, I have valid evidence and reason to not trust anyone else again... I believe this and it causes me deep grief..
But, I believe in the gifts I will receive from working through conflict and my grief,,
I believe and trust in the process,, that IF I keep educating myself,, sharing my story,,, learning from other people's stories and learning how to support other people in their own grief,, I WILL get better and better and at some point, I will no longer crumble with my fears and it won't matter if someone betrays me or not cuz I have me..... and I am love-able and have a right and responsibility to love and happiness...
As you're coming out of the fog,, your peripheral vision will be needing exercising again since the landscape will be getting clearer and clearer...
For me, just this week,, I realized that coming out of the fog and confusion is just as emotionally terrifying as falling off that emotional cliff during abuse..
It's like it's exactly the same as how I felt during the trauma but in reverse,, like a movie playing backwards...
When we're born our brain is like a hill and experience is like snow on that hill........... as we learn how to deal with conflict and successes, we go up and down the hill learning how to cope,,
at first, as children, we run all over the hill,,,, with more experience, we make sled pathways down the hill (wheeee),, ,,,, and walking pathways back up,, so our hill ends up covered in snow with only two or three pathways for dealing with that snow.....
Abuse is like a blizzard on the hill so if we don't have the coping skills or many different options as pathways,, we either end up just not moving anymore or we stick to the patterns and pathways instead of taking risks to find new and better routes... and that is not minimizing the grief, it's explaining how we can end up looping in grief..
I know that even if I sound paranoid, I have valid evidence and reason to not trust anyone else again... I believe this and it causes me deep grief..
But, I believe in the gifts I will receive from working through conflict and my grief,,
I believe and trust in the process,, that IF I keep educating myself,, sharing my story,,, learning from other people's stories and learning how to support other people in their own grief,, I WILL get better and better and at some point, I will no longer crumble with my fears and it won't matter if someone betrays me or not cuz I have me..... and I am love-able and have a right and responsibility to love and happiness...
As you're coming out of the fog,, your peripheral vision will be needing exercising again since the landscape will be getting clearer and clearer...
For me, just this week,, I realized that coming out of the fog and confusion is just as emotionally terrifying as falling off that emotional cliff during abuse..
It's like it's exactly the same as how I felt during the trauma but in reverse,, like a movie playing backwards...
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