When we give our heart away, why do we get surprised when it hurts?   
The term "give our heart away" means that unless we have someone giving us their heart in return, we're left empty and hollow and that's painful,, and when we're such lovely and loving people, we need to have that exchange or we slowly but surely diminish ourselves...
It's excruciating work to recognize that we betray ourselves when we demand someone else make us happy..

REVENGE

At 29 (I'm 64 now) I figured out revenge and that lesson is just part of me, I don't do revenge, don't think about it, and I've been so grateful that no one got hurt when I did..
I had the guy who'd lied to me (had wife, different home I didn't know about, etc, and then was physically abusing me) pinned between the bumpers of my car and his,,
I saw the terror in him, I felt the revenge flood over me in that moment,,
and I felt powerful and evil and I'd never felt evil before and I don't even believe in evil, and it was thrilling,, I stared at him, all lit up in my headlights, I glared at him, willing him to feel my rage at what he'd done to me.. Take that you evil bas-turd..
I watched him panic, his eyes wild with fear OF ME,,
All that pain on his face, because OF ME..

and then I really saw the terror in his eyes, I saw the deep pain of being attacked and I saw his pain and abandonment and I saw the child he truly was,,,,,
He was perfectly pinned because the cars both had extending thingies sticking out of their bumpers, so his legs were trapped but he wasn't getting hurt, whew, my angel was watching out for me.. (screw him)...
and my empathy took over, something I KNEW (a deep insight and understanding) that he had none of, and I saw our differences and I saw that I was not him, I was not violent and I did not want revenge but all I wanted was love and he just wasn't capable of giving that but I was still angry at him for not being who I wanted him to be.. I wanted him to love me, that's all, I was just hurting because of my own fantasy about him....
and I was drained of every bit of revenge that I had built up from my whole life time,, because revenge isn't about the person I'm angry at right now, it's an accumulation of every wrong ever done to me....

I had a dream (this was around a time with a whole lot of UFO stuff and WitchiePoo and prophetic dreams and reincarnation stuff, etc), so I have this dream, where I get picked up in a VW bus and the driver is this beautiful woman (?) but at the left side of her face, there's a slip in the skin covering of her ear and there's a glowing coming out from under it and the skin is wrinkled like it's not totally on right, like a t-shirt that's twisted at the arm.. (this is 2 decades before the movie Cocoon came out).. 

So, I am looking at her, kind of like; wow, what's happening? and she sees where I looking, reaches up, straightens her ear, covering the glow, smiles at me and asks if I'm ready to go? (I "know" that we're "leaving" to go off world) ...... I look around and ask; where's Chris and Jennifer and she looks at me, without moving her lips, and says; "You're not ready." and snap, I wake up and cry for 2 days..

Ad why did I cry, you might ask?? Because as I woke up, I was shown an image of all the other people who had raised these 2 souls in other incarnations and that I had actually been their Mama only a couple of those times.. Now as adults, they are magnificent in that so many have contributed to their evolution (so to speak)...

Fun

    I have had soo many wonderful experiences with quartz xls..
 In 1983, I had a dream about two, fist sized crystals. 
 I didn't own any so this vivid dream was too fun.. They told me to come and get them and then fast motion, like a movie sped up a gazzillyen times faster than normal, I was flying over Mt Ida Arkansas and led through the woods to the top of a hill where they called: "We're here, we're here"..
 I woke up, giggled, looked at my map and hmm, there's Mt Ida (didn't know it existed) and there's all this stuff I saw in the dream, soooo.. 
 6 months later, I'm in Mt Ida, in the woods, on that hill, calling: "I'm here, where are you?"  .............             ....................                 ......................    ?
 No answer...
 I call and call.. No answer..
 My hubby gets hungry and irritated that I'm just standing there, so he starts to head off down the slope, which kind of sets me in panic because I was so busy following the dream, I realize if I stay, I don't know if I can find my way back because the map in my head, is gone..
 I head down the hill and suddenly, I hear this soft but distinct message in my ear:
 "What about us? --  (like a little singing chipmunk choir) -- We're here, we've waited so long.."
 I look down and there's a clutch of crystals at the base of an uprooted tree amongst the roots..
 I Kneel and take two, fist sized, clear, happy, singing crystal points and hold them up in the sun and all I see is them being made.. They showed me (how do I explain?).. I was with them as the Earth pulled all those heated and spinning molecules together and the living "soul" that traveled for so long/a blink of an eye, looking for the perfect situation and ingredients so it could join together, greeted me..... and with the art of patience and communication, allowed me to learn their language.. 
Thanks for letting me share that..  excellent company..

Something new

This computer and all the wonderful things that it adds to my life is amazing.  When I think about how easy it is to communicate with people, I am struck with awe and I want more and that's why I'm starting this blog.  I have a lot to say and I know I'll be talking to strangers along with friends.  My hope is to figure all these new things out and you who are reading, enjoy and maybe take away a little peace of heart (piece of heart?).