"Why do I still want him after all the abuse? I'm going crazy."

Reply:

Giant hugs.. it's really hard because of all the brainwashing that happens during abuse... because abuse is also about the love bombing or the reward, to hook us back in so they can continue to abuse us...
After breaking up with an abuser, It takes awhile to balance out and make sense of what really happened...

Abuse is a series of behaviors that illicit particular reactions in the target (we're the target).. One reaction is to end up closer to the abuser... It's something we do for protection.. The confusion becomes overwhelming and we end up believing the same person who lies to us.. we end up being hurt by the same person who claimed they loved us..

I was asked: "Is your husband a good guy?" and I answered without hesitation: "YES"
and then they asked me: "Do good guys do what he did to you?" My answer was NO...
That's when I started to see how my own confusion was clouding my understanding of what was happening to me...
 
You are love-able...
You were in an abusive relationship with someone who spent their whole life practicing hurting other people and getting away with it...
Abusers are really good at hiding the hurt and destruction they create... they steal our comfort and love-ability and brainwash us into thinking our only happiness is connected to them,, our only love is with them.. and that's all a button they install in us during the relationship.. it's a trigger button.. and for a long time after we're broken up from them, that button still gets pushed and we end up craving them..

That craving goes away as we learn more and more about abuse.. We might always wish they had been better to us,, but that's our dream and has nothing to do with the reality that they don't change.. (they might change a behavior or two for us during the relationship but that's only to set us us for punishment later)
You have a right to love without pain,, and he's proven he's not capable of sharing that with you...
I am proud of you... it's really hard to speak out and ask questions..
Thanks for sharing..


This is the 20 minute video that allowed me insight into the complexity of a DV relationship.. thank you Teal Swan..
 https://youtu.be/M_lakRMIA7Q