Why we can't change them

Something that helps me, is remembering that narcs think in third person, so they create scripts to navigate through life.
For each situation in life that they run into, they have several different scripts that they pull from to communicate,, they are ritual interactions with no empathy or spontaneity..
 
We get into trouble with the narc when our spontaneity collides with their scripts..
 
Why can't we change them?
Because; 1) we can never figure out their scripts,, 2) cuz their scripts are more important to them than any picture we can paint of change,, 3) they live in the past (scripts are from the past) and 4) we have absolutely no concept of what that's like for them, so right off the bat, we're telling them that who they perceive themselves to be, is wrong and who wants to hear that?